Dear Diary, Today I Stalked Snape
by Very Festive
Summary: The young girls experience everyday life at Hogwarts. Lots of voyeurism, "wands," tentacle rape, and knickers. Charlotte's letters written by MasterAkira.
1. Tentacle Rape and Stalking Snape

Dear Diary,

Today Charlotte kept calling me "Noogie" and making fun of my extensive wand collection. I really don't know how she keeps getting into the Hufflepuff dormitory. I mean, I would understand if that weird chick with the bad hair that's always hanging around with (and by "hanging" I mean "fucking") the house elves had free reign with all the locked castle doors. That would make sense.  
So I went down to the lake to hang out with the Giant Squid. (I call him Squiddy.) A little tentacle rape always makes me feel much better. But afterwards, I started thinking about how it would be nice to have a boyfriend. A human one with no tentacles or anything. Too bad I'm in Hufflepuff house, though. You know the boys there. All of them are too busy "studying" each other's "wands" with their tight little "eyes" and lots of cherry-scented "wood-polishing oil." I mean, the best guy we have going for us is Cedric Diggory - and we all know what he's up to in the Prefect's bathroom on the fourth floor. Or at least I do. I used to get invited. (That was back before I started stuffing my bra.)  
And that's why they don't sell Hufflepuff sweatshirts in Hot Topic.

Sincerely,  
Persephone Ollivander-Nougatmuffin

Why did I sign with my full name? I have no idea.

-----

Dear Diary,  
Today I decided I was too Pure-Blooded to go to classes so instead I stalked--erm, followed-- Draco Malfoy around. He is so wonderfully Blonde and Pure-Blooded too. He's only my fourth cousin on my father's side, so we can still get married and have wonderfully Pure-Blooded children.  
Anyways, after I stalked--erm, followed--him to the Room of Requirement, which he disappeared into with bloody Potter and Snape, I decided to bother, erm hangout with Sephy in Hufflepuff. She's such a silly thing. Love her! I like how all the males there are pouffs (with good arses). Makes me glad to be a Slytherin. We are the best and most Pure after all. Sephy is so obsessed with wands and tentacle rape I'm beginning to worry about her. Well, hopefully she'll put that knowledge to use in the future to find herself a nice Pure-Blood to marry. All of them like wands too.  
Oh! Draco just got back to the common room. I think I'll go follow him up to his dormitory. I do love watching him sleep.

Night!

Charlotte Morgana Silverknott, the most wonderful Pure-Blooded female in all of Hogwarts


	2. Mermaid Mum and Charlotte's Bum

Dear Diary,  
Today I actually went to classes, although I hadn't needed to, and then after potions I lurked in the Snape's room. It was amusing. I got new underwear, with the Slytherin Crest all over them. They are so very cute and I knew Snape would love them. When he saw me sitting on his desk in nothing but them he flushed, proof of his love, and ordered me out in his very sexy voice. I promised him I'd wait for him.  
Then I ran back to Slytherin in my new bra and knickers and Malfoy saw me and winked! Oh, I have all these wonderful Slytherin's in love with me. I think I shall marry Snape and bare Draco's children. That way they will be Pure-Blooded. I told all this to Sephy and she laughed. Too many wands on the brain to think right, I say.

Night!

Charlotte Morgana Silverknott

More on my underwear tomorrow. My mother is flooing me!

------

Dear Diary,  
Today, while the rest of us were going to class and studying for fulfilling careers in the wand industry, Charlotte was busy running around in her knickers. She really shouldn't do that if she doesn't want Filch making googly eyes at her like that. Though I'm sure she'd "adjust his wand" any day if he was a Pureblood. Floppy jowls, voyeur cat, and all.  
So she came to harass me in Hufflepuff - where we know that no boys will be glancing her way. Hannah Abott, however, might be. I had been having such a nice time researching my mermaid lineage,too. It really explains why I enjoy seafood so much and why whenever I try to sing, the neighbors call the ASPCA. And why Squiddy and I get along so well. I told Charlotte what I was studying and she just called me "Fishy-Wishy" and ran out. I think she's on to Nearly Headless Nick next.


	3. Sephy's Beau and Knickers Whoa!

Dear Diary,

Today I hid from Charlotte in the non-restricted section of the library. She never goes there. So this boy named Neville took up her place in hindering my research. He saw all the books on mermaids and underwater creatures and watched me reading while he stroked his toad, Trevor – or at least that's what he told me was in his pocket. I decided not to take a walk down to the lake lest he express a desire to participate in the most awkward threesome imaginable. Instead, I decided to pay Charlotte a visit after all. Of course, she was stalking Malfoy in her knickers up in the owlery. Neville excused himself very quickly once he got an eyeful of that.

Persephone Ollivander-Nougatmuffin, Nerd Wrangler of the Deep

Dear Diary,

Today I went to classes but spent my free period looking for Persephone. When I couldn't find her after three minutes I gave up. So I decided to show Snape my knickers. There were deep emerald with black lace. Very fetching I would say. I only wore my robe over them and when I took it off Snape gasped and ran to his office, locking the door behind him. I bet he was tossing off to the image of me in my wonderfully Pure-Blooded knickers.  
After I left Snape's office I went up to the owlery to send a letter to Mrs. Malfoy telling her about my new knickers. She also has a wonderful collection. To my surprise I saw my dear Draco. So I showed him my knickers. I'm sure he was about to snog me when Sephy ran in and ruined it. This short stubby Griffindor saw me and my Pure-Blooded intended and ran. Prat. Sephy then ruined everything by pulling me away from Draco. Anyway he visited me a few minutes ago to see my knickers again and gave me a quick snog.  
Tomorrow I will punish Sephy. Bloody help she takes a lot of work.

Night!

Charlotte Morgana Silverknott

Ps more knickers are coming tomorrow!


End file.
